The IHM Diary

“Kood Jaa”

IHM Diary mein Pehle kya hua tha ??
Bataati hoon…. Hamaari chubby cheeks Vrishti ko aazaadi ka maza chakhna tha, iss kick ka ek hi zariyaa tha… college ki boundary wall kood kar bahar niklo…Josh mein Vrishti boundary wall pe chadh to gayi, par koodne mein uski haalat kharaab ho rahi thi… Use yamdoot swarg ka visa liye khada dikhaayi de raha tha… Saare Juniors aur batchmates use cheer karne lage … aur tabhi entry hui Kala Sir ki… Unhein dekh ke Vrishti ne toh chhalaang laga di… Par main phas gayi…

Main mudi to Kala Sir khade the, poochha, “Kya kaha tumne?”
Maine seham kar kaha, “Aazaadi Mubarak ho”…
Wo mujhe dekh rahe the… Main darr gayi ki kahin ye vaakai mujhe aazaad naa kar dein college se…
Mohabbatein picture ke Amitabh Bachchan jaisa serious look de ke bole
“Yahan aanaa zara”
“Parampara, Pratishtha, Anushasan…” wala Mohabbatein ka dialogue mere andar goonjne laga… yahi problem hai Bollywood lovers ki – Koi scene hua nahi, aur background music/dialogue taiyaar rehta hai… har situation ke liye. Dhadkanein itni tez ho gayi, itni tez ho gayi ki laga dil bahar nikal kar basket ball khelne lagega… Khair, Kala sir ke paas pahunchi aur sar jhuka kar khadi ho gayi, socha jaise hi bolenge “tumhare father ko call karke yeh kaand bataunga” tabhi main unke pair pakad lungi infact pair pakadne wale drama ka screenplay pura ready kar rakha tha aur andar hi andar practice bhi karne lagi thi, tabhi Kala sir bole
“Apna phone nikalo…”
Marr gayi! Ye toh expect hi nahin kiya tha… Abhi pair pakadun ki dialogue ke baad ?….
Soch hi rahi thi ki phir se aawaaz aayi….phir se unexpected dialogue…
“Maine kaha apna phone nikalo…”
“Ji ji sir”… Mere haath Poppy ke petals ki tarah kaanp rahe the. Yeh dekh kar Kala sir bole… “Aise kaam karti hi kyun ho ki kaanpnaa pade ?”
“Sorry sir!”
“Vrishti ko call karo abhi”
“Sir? Vrishti? Par wo…”
Chillate hue “Jitna kahaa hai, Utna karo. Call lagao Vrishti ko”
“Sorry sir!” Robot ki tarah maine number dial kiya..Vrishti ke phone ki ghanti baj rahi thi aur yahan mere andar danger ka alarm. Sir mujhe ghoor rahe the aur main ?? Main kahaan dekhun mujhe samajh mein nahin aa raha tha… Finally Vrishti ne phone uthaya, “Bol kameenee!”
Mere kuch bolne se pehle hi Kala Sir ne mere haath se phone chheen liya….Phone speaker pe kiya aur bole….
“Hello, Vrishti !!”
“Kaun hai bey? Urvashi ke phone pe kya kar raha…”. Wo aage kuch kehti usse pehle Kala Sir bole
“Tumhare college ka academic incharge bol raha hoon”… Sun ke Vrishti ki toh…. dash … dash ..dash
“Sorry!!! Sorry!!! Sorry sir!!! Good morning!!! Nahi nahi Sorry Afternoon Afternoon, Good Afternoon Sir…Sorry sorry sorry sorry sirr”
“Tumhari himmat kaise hui deewar koodne ki”
“Sorry sir!”
“Kitni attendance hai tumhari?”
“Sir 92%”
“Achchha !!! Isliye itni himmat aagayi hai tum mein”
“Nahi Sir, Sorry sir… Please maaf kar dijiye”
“Tumhe lagta hai, tumhare sorry bolne se main tumhe maaf kar dunga?”
Vrishti chup ho gayi…Uske paas ab kuch nahi tha Kala sir ko convince karne ke liye… Tabhi Kala sir muskuraye
“Vaise koodti accha ho! Sports day mein jumping jack mein participate zaroor karna, tumhi jeetogi” Iss baar ka slogan rakhenge “Koodengi bachchiyan tabhi toh jeetegi bachchiyaan”
Mujhe phone dete dete poochha “Kaisa hai ? Aaj principle sir ko sunaaunga yeh slogan. Khush ho jaayenge” phone mujhe dekar Kala sir ne waapas le liya aur bole… ” Waise Vrishti! Azaadi mubarak ho….Hahahaha!”
Phone mujhe pakda ke wo nikal gaye aur main hairaan khadi soch rahi thi ki Vrishti ki “Hello Hello” sunaayi di…Maine kaha “Haan bol”
“Kya hai yeh ? Matlab kya tha yeh?” Vrishti ne apna favourite line duharaaya…toh maine kaha “Pata nahi…mujhe kuch samajh mein aaya toh call karti hoon”. Dimaag jaise sunnnn ho gaya tha, bas dil mein ek khushi thi ki boundary wall ki yeh dastaan aage nahi gayi principal ke cabin tak…

Yeh ek kissa nahi hai! Aaj bhi har din college ki boundary koodne ki muheem chalti rehti hai. Aur iss muheem ko safal banaane ke liye har din ek nayi strategy bhi banti hai, kabhi koi pakda jaata hai, toh kabhi kisiko lag jaati hai, kuch aage ki sochke darr jaate hain aur kuch befikar hoke kood jaate hain…..Uss din Vrishti ke kisse se mujhe bhi koodne ka motivation mil gaya tha. Aur pata hai kya hua?..
Bataati hoon..

Diwali ka mausam tha….Friday ka din tha. Iss din ka hum har hafte wait karte the.
Kyon?
Kyunki Saturday Sunday humari apni love story chalti hai…
Kiske saath?
Are !! Bistar aur takiye ke sath…Matlab.. Sone milta hai yaar! Ek wahi toh cheez hai jo badi mushkil se IHM walo ko naseeb hoti hai….. Yeh college ka sabse accha time hota hai.
Kyun?
Kyunki internals khatam ho jaate hain, susti college ki hawa ke saath flirt karte karte samay kab nikaal deti hai pata hi nahi chalta……Har Friday humara guest lecture hota tha, par iss baar Bhagwan humare saath the. Hamara guest lecturer beemar ho gaya tha, jiski vajah se guest lecture nahi ho raha tha. Hum khushi ke maare phule nahi sama rahe the, khushi se uchhalte koodte hum Kala sir ke paas gaye, socha aaj college mein bachcho ko bandi bana kar inn logo ko kya milega college ka gate aaj humare bolne par khol hi denge…..
Par hum galat the! Hum bhul gaye the ki yeh IHM hai! Hum jo inhe kehte hai wey uska completely opposite karte hain…

Gusse mein budbudaate hue humne socha “yeh kaun hote hain Humein rokne wale, humari marzi, humari jindagi, hum bacche thodi naa hain jo yeh zabardasti karenge aur hum sunn ke lelenge…”
“Par karenge kya?” Sab ne ek saath poochha…
“Koodenge aur kya” chibbu ne kaha… Hum nau(9) baccho ne palat ke dekha “Kya????” “Par hum zindagi mein kabhi koode nahi.”, teen(3) ladkiyon ne kaha, jiss mein se ek main bhi thi!

“Arey chinta mat karo! Hum sikha denge, waise bhi lecturer ki job ke liye aaj kal PHD prefer karte hain, jo humne koodne mein ki hai” uss smart smile ke saath jawab dene wale “HUM” ki category mein panch(5) aise ladke the jinke baju mein agar aap lakda rakh dein, toh aapko samjh mein nahi aayega ki lakda kaun hai aur ladka kaun? Inke saath thi wahi meri puraani partner in crime, Vrishti, jo kal koodkar nahi pakde jaane par itraa rahi thi….

Par strategy banaa-na important tha, kyunki iss baar hum nau the agar boundary wall ki taraf bheed badh jaati toh faculty dekh kar aa jayenge. Toh Chibbu bana team leader, “dekho tum ladkiyan pehle niklogi”
“Par boundary bahut unchi hai Chibbu, main toh jump karke bhi vahan nahi pauhch paungi…” Takshi ne kaha jo Grads (graduation) mein hoke bhi 3rd std just passed lagti thi… “Haan yaar! Same here” Mriti ne kaha. Mriti ke yeh bolne par humne upar se neeche usse dekha…

Kyon?
Kyonki Mriti 5.7 height wali 96kg ki ladki thi Uske peeche main aur Vrishti aaramse chup sakte the… infact sakte kya the, uske peeche Pranay sir ke lecture mein chupa karte the jab Pranay sir sawalon ki goliyaan nahi topein hum pe chalaate the…..
Chibbu humare facial expression se samajh gaya tha aur mera haath pakad ke bola “koi nahi…main help karunga, abhi batao pehle kaun koodega?…..ek kaam karo.. tum ladke pehle kood jao taaki ladkiyon ko uss side se haath de sako…theek hai?”

“Haan! Yeh sahi rahega… Rhythm aur Charsi tu uss side kood jaa….Main yahan college ke andar se help karta hoon” Chibbu ne kaha.. “Done.. Scene set hai ! Pehle Takshi tu kood jaa phir Mriti tu aur phir Vrishti tu.. Agar kisi ne iss beech humein dekha toh Urvashi tu handle kar lena… Logo ko ghumane mein tu maahir hai” “Haan Haan !!! Tu uski chinta mat kar! Main dekh lungi…Par koodenge kahaan se?” “Jaha setting ki hai…(taar kaate, sheeshe saaf kiye hain) Wahin se… Start ke liye sahi rahega”….

Hum nau ki Fauz aage badhi… Boundary wall ki taraf….Taal se taal milate hue… ek hi speed, style maintain kar rahe the hum, aisa laga jaise income tax officers raid maar ne kisi ke ghar jaa rahe the, thoda better karte hain Ocean Eleven types….Attitude toh aisa tha… ki aaj ukhaad ke rakh denge! Tabhi mere phone ki ghanti baji… Dekha to Maa ka call tha… Pata nahin kaise, par ye Maa logo ki timing na super correct hoti hai..ain mauke pe call karti hai…
“Hieee betu!!! Mera bachcha kitne baje ghar aa raha hai?”
“15min mein Maa”
“Arey waahhh!!! Aise kaise aaj college jaldi chhoot gaya?”
“Nahi! Main Boundary wall kood rahi hoon..”
“Kya?!!! Theek se bolo… sunayi nahi diya, kya bola beta”
“Maa aapne theek suna… Main boundary wall kood rahi hoon… Ab main aur nahi reh sakti yahaan, iss campus mein…Koi lecture nahi ho raha hai, phir bhi band karke rakha hai humein…Humein yeh college wale samajhte kya hain….Main aapse aake baat karti hoon… Byeee maa!!! ”
Bhai, Maa ko kuch bhi bata do, bas yeh kabhi matt bataana ki tum kood rahe ho…
Kyon?
Kyonki woh pure khaandan ko phone karke yeh elaan kar deti hai ki meri bachchi college ki boundary wall kood rahi hai. Main abhi tak samajh nahi paayi ki yeh baat poore khaandan ko batane wali kaise ho sakti hai. Yeh koi Bharat Ratna milne wala kaand to hai nahi …aur Naa hi main Akshay kumar ki tarah 200 feet ki deewar kisi picture ki shooting ke liye kood rahi hoon… toh phir broadcast karne ki kya zaroorat hai.. Jab bhi yeh sawaal maa se poochhaa, toh ek hi cheez sunne mili “Beta jab tum maa banogi naa, tab pata chalega!”. Toh mera call cut karte hi, meri maa ka pehla call laga mere driver, Devendra Bhaiya ko, ki pata lagao woh kahaan se kood rahi hai, aur gaadi wahaan boundary ke paas laga do, taaki dusri side zameen pe koodna asaan ho….woh boundry wall se koodne ki jagah gaadi par pair rakh ke neeche utar jaayegi…Devendra Bhaiya ko instruction dene ke baad Maa ne doosra call lagaaya Baba (Dad) ko… Baba meeting mein the aur Maa panic call pe call kar rahi thi. Finally meeting ke beech mein Baba ne phone uthaya “Kya hua ? Main meeting mein hoon…”
“Ansh…Paagal ladki college ki deewar kood rahi hai”
“Kaun ??”
“Aapki beti”. Ye Sunkar Baba ke muh se nikala
“Arey wahhh”
Maa ne dapat diya “Arey waah kya! Matter serious hai Ansh.. iss baar wo boundary wall tak pahunch gayi hai”
“Tum chinta mat karo, woh nahi koodegi…main baad mein baat karta hoon… meeting mein hoon” In fact Baba ke client bhi poochh pade
“Sir sab theek toh hai?”
“Haan haan!!! Wo meri beti college ki deewar kood rahi hai aur kuch nahi…Chaliye ab waapas mudde pe aate hain, hum kya baat kar rahe the?” Baba ke clients hairaan the. Zaroor soch rahe honge, Kaisa baap hai …Beti kood rahi hai aur Baap itna chilled out hai….Baba ke baad Maa ne pure khaandan ko call karke mere koodne ki ghoshna kar di….. in short BBC Broadcast kar diya … Main kood rahi hoon… Jinhone ye broadcast suna, un mein se ek meri Naani bhi thi, unki zindagi mein toh excitement -adventure sab aa gaya….Har do minute mein call karke Maa se poochti. “Chhota (main) kooda? Kooda ki nahin ?” ….Inn sab hungaame ke beech finally Humara koodne ka plot set ho gaya, Charsi aur Rhythm uss paar kood gaye.. Hamaare Driver, Devender Bhaiya ne bhi position le liya aur humne apne bags bhi dusri side phenk diye…..
Ab Chibbu zameen pe ghoda bann gaya.. Takshi ne position li aur uske peeth par pair rakh ke boundary pe chadhke dusre side kood gayi, tabhi phir mere phone ki ghanti baji “Beta koodi?”
“Nahi maa!!! Abhi kahan? Abhi to Takshi koodi hai… Main thodi der baad koodungi…mera number last hai”
“Theek hai beta.. Sambhal kar koodna.” Meri Maa ka concern to dekhiye…
Jitni asaani se Takshi kood paayi, utna asaan Mriti ke liye nahi tha.. Sorry let me correct it… Mriti ko chadhanaa Chibbu ke liye itna asaan nahi tha… Chibbu 56 kg ka aur Mriti 96 kg ki thi. Jab tak mriti ka ek pair Chibbu par aur ek pair zameen pe rehta tab tak toh theek tha, jaise hi Mriti ne dusra pair uthaya aur boundary pe chadhne ki koshish ki Chibbu se uska weight saha nahi gaya aur voh vahi pe dher ho gaya….Mriti boundary pe latak gayi “bachaao bachaao” chillaane lagi… aur neeche Chibbu “marrr gayyyyaaa” chila raha tha… Aur tabhi phir mera phone baja
“Beta ab koodi?” Irritate hokar maine finally kaha “maa nahi! Aap phone karke pareshan mat kijiye, mujhe concentrate karne dijiye… jab koodungi, tab bata dungi”…

Phir kya hua ?? Mriti iss paar utari yaa us paar kood gayi ?? meri maa ka kya haal hua…
Bataaungi… Par agli baar… agle blog mein…aaj bahut likh liya yaar !!
( to be continued…)

– Urvashi