The IHM Diary

Role Play !

Last week kya hua tha? Yaad hai ?

Koi baat nahin! Main bataati hoon

Campus ki boundary wall pe Mriti ko chadhanaa Chibbu ke liye itna asaan nahi tha… Chibbu 64 kg ka aur Mriti 95 kg ki thi. Jab tak mriti ka ek pair Chibbu par aur ek pair zameen pe rehta tab tak toh theek tha, jaise hi Mriti ne dusra pair uthaya aur boundary pe chadhne ki koshish ki Chibbu se uska weight saha nahi gaya aur voh vahi pe dher ho gaya….Mriti boundary pe latki hui “bachaao bachaao” kar rahi thi aur neeche chibbu “marrr gayyyyaaa” chila raha tha… Aur tabhi phir mera phone baja ” Beta ab kuddi?” Irritate hokar maine finally kaha ” maa nahi! Aap phone karke pareshan mat kariye mujhe concentrate karne dijiye jab koodungi, tab bata dungi”…

Finally Rhythm aur Vrishti ne bhaag kar Mriti ki help ki….Jaise hi voh dusre side pahuchi Kala sir phir aa khade hue “Arey baccho yahan kya kar rahe ho ?” Hum chaaro Kala sir ki awaaz sunkar aise khade hue jaise kisi Military wale ne humare peeche banduk taan di ho, shakal pe 12 baje hue the…Hum darr ke maare phir palte socha iss baar toh pakka gaye….
“Tum sab yahan kya kar rahe ho? Tum logo ke liye gate khulwa diya hain maine….Jaldi ghar nahi jaana kya?” “Ji sir jaa hi rahe the bas! Thank you sir” “Hadd hai yaar!!! Jab gate kholna hi tha, toh drama kyun kiya… Iske chakkar mein meri peeth tut gayi , ab kabhi help nahin karunga uss moti ki… Kudte hue ek thank you bhi nahi bolke gayi Kameeni”….
Chibbu ke halat pe hum sab hass hi rahe the jab phir mera phone baja
“Beta kudd gayi? Sambhal kar kudd naa….”
“Nahi maa! Nahi kuddi gate se nikal rahi hoon. Kala sir ne gate khol diya hai.” Bas mera yeh bolna tha ki maa ko chain ki saans aayi aur wo boleen “Chalo jai mata di! Sambhal kar aana…tab tak sab ko main inform kar deti hoon… sab ke mann mein suspense bana hai …” aur Maa apna broadcast mein lag gayin..

Aise kisse iss boundary wall ke saath toh hote hi rehte hain. Iss purani cemented deewar ko kabhi kam matt aankiyega … bahuton ka kaccha chittha hai iske paas… kisi din ye bola toh kitno ki bolti band ho jaayegi

Ab koodne-phaandne ki bahut baat ho gayi aapko kuch naya sunati hoon. Pichle blog mein yaad hai maine Pranay sir ki baat ki thi? Arey voh jo sawalon ki goliyan nahi topein chalate hain…Yaad aaya? Haan haan vahi bilkul sahi soch rahe hain aap, aaj unke class ke kisse sunati hoon. To Pranay sir patle, chashmish aur bahut hi confident lecturer hain, matlab confidence itna ki humare desh ke PM sahab inhe confidence ka Reserve Bank of India ghoshit kar sakte hain. Unki vibe aisi thi ki maano jab bhi voh kisi corridor se gujarein to hawa bhi unke discipline ke gunn gaaye, 9 baje ka lecture matlab 8:55 ko lecture mein aana zaruri hai.
Kyun?
Kyunki agar aapki entry class mein 9:01 pe hui to poore batch ke saamne aapko insult karne ka birth right bhagwan ne maa-baap ke baad inhe hi diya hai, and let me clarify! Aisa main nahi keh rahi, voh aisa samjhte hain… Aur jab insult karne ka mood nahi hota, to apna billion dollar dialogue bachchon pe chipkana toh birth right samjhte hain “Mr/Ms. XYZ you are too early for the next class!” Kehkar aisa ignore maarte hain jaise aap pal bhar mein Mr. India ban gaye ho. Aur bhai agar inke hate list mein tum aagaye toh tumhara inke subject mein KT (keep trying) aana pakka hai.

Thand ka mausam tha, internal practical assessment week tha. Humare Front office ka internal tha, matlab, Pranay sir ka assessment…..Unke practicals mein ladkiyon ko humare college ki beige aur pink colour ki saree pehni padti thi and this was a nightmare! Thand mein subh-subh make up karna aur saree pehan-ne ka matlab ek insaan ko barf mein boxers aur banyaan pehnakar sundar si smile ke sath kaam karne boldiya ho, humari saree itni patli thi ki agar safety pin usmein daal kar nikalo toh ek hole hojaaye. Can you imagine itni patli saree peheni padti thi….Unke practical shuru hote the grooming check se, matlab saree ka pallu proper place mein ho, nails cut ho, baal perfect bane ho, thode se bhi nikle naa ho aur baal coloured toh bilkul nahi hone chahiye, warna aapka character assassination to pakka hai. Iss practical mein Pranay sir humein role play dene wale the, role play was again a nightmare. Kyun? Kyunki hum bacchon ko apne college ki lobby mein ek real 5-Star hotel jaise kaam karta hai, waise hi act karna padta tha. Standard dialogues hote the, standard gestures hote the. Aapko humein dekh kar literally lagega ki hum professionals hain aur aap Ahmedabad ke kisi 5-Star hotel mein aaye hain. To grooming check ke baad unhone hume brief kiya aur humari teams banani shuru ki…..Unka team banane ka matlab India-Pakistan ko ek team mein rakhna hota hai, chunn-chunn kar har ek ek student ko vo uske dushman aur usse kahin zyaada bail student ke sath rakh ke ek anokhi team banate hain…..Aur aap iss team par koi objection nahi kar sakte hain..
Kyun?
Kyunki agar ki… toh “Your case will be taken extra royally in his custody”….

Toh, mere team ke anokhe log the- Ikrant jo ek royal family se tha, kunwar tha! Ab ek royal family ki bhasha kitni meethi hoti hai voh Ikrant ki boli se aap samajh jaate vo kisi ko gaali bhi deta tha to aap karke deta tha “Aap nihayati akhand kisam ke chutiya insaan hain” dekh rahe hain aap level of adab aur tameez! Sarthiv jo IHM mein padh toh raha tha, par 3 saal ke baad voh fighter planes chalana chahta tha, naa naa isse “unchi soch, unchi udaan!” Sochne ki galti mat kijiyega, uske dimaag mein defect tha… Ab aap hi bataaiye ek commerce student jo hotel management ke course mein hai voh fighter plane kaise chala sakta hai? It makes no sense! Voh weird harqatein karta tha, sochta tha aur bolta tha; Riddharth sir, sir kyun? Humare senior the jo attendance ke vajah se detain ho gaye aur humare batch mein aagaye. Inke paas college ke bahar ke saare jugaad the jaise sutta, ganja, daru; bas class ke baare mein kuch bhi pooch lo, he has got no idea! So we 4 were good to go….Ab shuru hua humara role play. Main bani thi receptionist to main reception ke peeche khadi ho gayi, Ikrant information desk bana tha toh voh reception se thoda door khada ho gaya jaise har 5-Star hotel mein hota hai. Sarthiv bell-boy bana tha, voh reception ke baju mein jaake khada ho gaya. Riddharth sir Front Office Manager the to voh door jaake khade ho gaye aur Pranay sir guest bane the.

Pranay Sir aaye aur Maine 5 star hotel ke tarah unka warm welcome kiya. Voh bane the film production team ke head jo shooting ke liye humare sheher aaye the apni ek badi si unit and equipment lekar … “Urvashi if you don’t mind can I ask you something?” “Certainly sir!” “Do you have any room on the ground floor to keep these equipment? They are too heavy and we won’t be able to lift it every time up in our rooms…” “I request you to speak to our information desk. They will surely guide you for the same sir” ye bolkar maine Ikrant ke pas Pranay sir ko bhej diya “Good afternoon sir! How may assist you?” “Hi Ikrant! I need a room especially to keep the shooting equipment can you help me?” “Yes sir! We have a suite room on the ground floor, I’ll give you that….” “A suite room?! Don’t you think that will be too expensive?” “Arey sirrrr!!! choti baat kardi na aapne… Chinta kyun kar rahe hain aap…..Free mein de raha hoon! Itne kamre liye hain aapne humse ek kamre ka scene to main set kar hi sakta hoon…” Uske ye bolne par main Pranay sir ke peeche se reception pe khade hote hue usse ankh dikha kar hatho se ishara karte hue kaha ki pagal ho gaya hai kya? Aisa nahi ho sakta. Tu galat kar raha hai, ghoosa maarungi agar aisa kuch kiya to… Utne mein Pranay sir mere taraf palte aur main achanak se normal hogayi jaise maine kuch suna hi nahi aur main apna kaam karne lagi. Ikrant ne apni baat sambhalte hue kahan “Sir, I am sorry! Vo room vacant nahi hai….Ek kaam karte hai na mere dost ka ek lodge hain, yahin railway station ke pas Ram Krishna lodge vahan main setting karva deta hoona aapki? Free mein! apna yaar hai apni baat nahi taalega aapko chalega toh bolo baat karta hoon….” Aur yeh sun ne ke badh meri ankh shock se badi hogayi sarr pe hath maarte hue phir maine ishaara kiya abey yeh kya bol diya bewakoof!…Pranay sir phir palte meri taraf. Mujhe apne hathon aur face ke expression se keh rahe the ki ye kya bol gaya? Aur maine jawab dete hue apna sir na mein hilaya, ki mujhe kuch nahi pata, main iss conversation se hi bahar hoon….Haalaat itne kharab the ki mann kar raha tha zameen par lot-pot ke khoob hasoon, par nahi kar sakti thi naa!!! Practical assessment tha, agar hasti to main khud mazak ban kar reh jaati, in fact maine apni hansi kaise control ki hai voh main hi jaanti hoon…

Pranay sir pareshan hokar mere pas aaye aur maine puri empathy dikha kar unhe yeh dilasa diya ki main unki help karungi, utne mein voh ek aur sawal ke sath aaye “Urvashi I have a parcel for one of my colleagues staying in room no. 204 can you please send someone to give this to him?” “Certainly sir, our bell-boy Sarthiv will help you with the same”, maine socha yeh simple chiz hai, Sarthiv bina kuch keeda kiye itna kar hi dega, par main galti thi! Jab Pranay sir uske pas pauhche aur usse request ki parcel deliver karne ke liye to bhaisahab ne jawab diya “Sir this is your parcel?” “Yes!” “He is your colleague?” “Yes Sarthiv!” “You know his room no.?” “Yes, yes, 204!” “To jab parcel aapka hai, colleague aapka hai, room no. aapko pata hai toh main kyun jau? khud hi jaa kar de do naa. Itna bhi kya hai ki khud jaa kar nahi de sakte….” Pranay sir ne phir mujhe dekha. Iss baar maine apni shakal hatho se chupate hue naa mein sarr hilaya. Aag baboola hote hue Pranay sir ne reception par aake sunaana shuru kiya “what the hell is this? What a stupid staff you guys have….. I no more want to stay in your hotel! Who is your manager? I’ll take your case! What kind of behaviour you show towards your guest….” “I am extremely sorry for the inconvenience sir, please forgive us… give us a chance we will take care of all the things….” “NO!!!! NO!” I want to meet your manager” Maine Riddharth sir ko dekha, aur voh poore scene mein aaye “Sir he is Mr. Riddharth, our front office manager” “Riddharth what kind of staff have you hired?” Pranay sir ne apne sath hue dono incidents sunaaye aur apna gussa aise zahir kiya jaise sakshat shiv ji ki teesri (3rd) aankh khul gayi ho aur pralay aa gayi ho…Pranay sir bolte rahe Riddharth sir muskarate hue sab sunte rahe hain “I am no more staying in this hotel, I want to check out!” Ye bolkar Pranay sir shaant hogaye. Poori lobby mein do minute ka sanata chah gaya. Hum sab Riddharth sir se ek hi cheez expect kar rahe the “APOLOGY!” …..Riddharth sir muskurate hue mujhe dekh kar bole “Okay! Sir ka bill bana do aur unhe hotel ki gadi de dena dusre hotel mein choddne ke liye voh bhi free, meri taraf se gift…” hum sab shocked the iss answer pe. Pranay sir ne guest ka roll chodkar bol diya “Sorry bolna hota hai iss situation mein! Yeh bhi main sikhaaoon?” “Sir par jab aapne soch hi liya hai ki aapko jaana hai toh main force kyun karu, aap chale jaaye…apology-vpology sab moh maya hai….” Pranay sir phir khamosh aur dheeme surr mein kehte hue“Get out!” hum charo ko sunai nahi diya toh humne kaan aage kar ke kaha “Sorry sir? ” Unho ne chilakar kaha “I said GETTT OUTTTT!!!” yeh bol kar Munna bhai MBBS ke Dr. Asthana ke tarah hasne lage! Do min ke liye aisa laga jaisa Pranay sir ko pagal panti ka daura pada ho, hum chaaron khade hokar unhe pagalon ki tarha hanste hue dekh kar khud bhi hans pade aur voh achanak se phir serious hokar, darwaaze ki taraf ungli point karke kehte hain “I said GET OUT!!!!!!” Aur hum chaaron vahan se dumdaba kar bhaage hain…..Ab iss poore assessment ko padh kar mujhse yeh puchne ki himat to bilkul mat karna ki iss assessment mein hume kitne marks mile…..
(to be continued…)

– Urvashi