IHM Diary 5 – Swachh Bharat Kaand

Humare Kunwar Sa kaha phase the?
Ikrant ko dekh kar Pranay Sir ke chehre pe muskuraahat aa gayi thi.. Kalla Sir ke cabin mein ek khidki thi, jisse main unhei dekh paa rahi thi, aisa laga jaise woh keh rahe hon, “Beta, Aaj toh tere saath kaand hoga….” Isi beech phone ki ghanti baji… tring tring tring….
“A very good morning, Hotel IHM, this is Ikrant. How may I assist you?”
Pranay Sir kuch alag hi bhasha mein baat karne lage “Auaann, Eeee maaa uuuaaaa”
“Sorry Sir?” Ikrant ne chaunk kar poochha…
“Auaan, eeee, mmaaa, uuuaaaa” Pranay Sir ne jawaab diya
“Pardon Sir?”
“Aaaaaaa aauuuuaannnn eee maaaa uuuaaaa”
“Sir I am extremely sorry…..par mujhe aapki bhasha samajh mein nahi aa rahi. Kya aap please samajhne wali bhasha mein kuch keh sakte hain? Main aapki kis roop se sahayta kar sakta hoon?”
Humne dabi aawaaz mein poochha “Abbey kya hua? Sab theek hai ? Tabhi Pranay sir bole “Ikrant mujhe samjhne ki koshish karo main goonga (dumb) hoon… Aaaaa uuuuaaa uuuuuaaaa eeee” Pranay Sir ne kaha,Ikrant ne sar peet kar phone pe haath rakh ke kaha “Suno ek kaam karo….Iss aatma ki maa ko phone laga kar poochho ki iss praani ko kya khakar paida kiya hai? Iss bar yeh mahan aatma goonga bana hai”

Hum sab Ikrant ki taraf dekh kar zoron se hasne lage…. Wahin phone pe Pranay Sir goonga bann kar “eeennn uuu aaaa eeee” kiye jaa rahe the….
Ikrant ki halat kharab ho gayi thi….Finally usne socha ki chaahe main kuch bhi keh doon, kar loon, par Pranay sir toh fail karke hi maanege…. toh kyun naa kuchh aisa karun ki telephone handling mein ek aisi mazedaar misaal banu, ki mere juniors mujhse inspire hoke dare nahi, sherr ki tarah Pranay sir ka jawab dahaad mein de…..
Aur Finally…. Ek chhote se pause ke baad…

Ikrant ne phone pe Pranay sir ki aaauuu uuueee eeeee sunte hue kaha
“I am sorry sir, Main kuch sunn nahi sakta, kyunki main bahra hoon”
Aur yeh bolkar uss ne phone bang kar diya, hum sabhi apni hasi control karne ki poori koshish kar rahe the par Ikrant ka yeh jawab sun ne ke baadh control kahaan hota… Hum thahaake maar-maar ke hasne lage…… Ikrant has-has ke pagal ho raha tha…

“I am sure… Pranay Sir ne yeh answer kabhi bhi kissi bachche se expect nahi kiya hoga…. Yaar !!! Hair style bhi kharab hogaya! Aaj raat maine MIP ki ek ladki ke saath date ki setting ki thi…. Marks bhi nahi milenge, aur ladki bhi nahi pategi…. Marks bhi gaye aur ladki bhi… Yeh sach mein mujhe ek din single aur fail karke marvaayenge”. Ikrant afsos mana raha tha… aur hum maze le rahe the….

Pranay sir ke kisse har batch ke saath itne hi atrangi hote the…

Humare college mein tarah-tarah ke mausam hote hain – mausam ragging ka, mausam prem ka, mausam campus ka.. vagairah vagairah…Aaise hi Shri Modi ji ke raaj mein humare college mein aagman hua ek naye mausam ka….. Mausam Swachha Bharat Abhiyaan ka……

College mein swachhata ke naare lagne lage… Jin students ne pichhle teen saalo mein kabhi apna kamra saaf karne ki zehmat nahin uthaayi, unhein haath mein jhadu de kar raaston ki safaai mein lagaa diya gaya….

Hotel Management ke students jagah-jagah raston pe Swachh Bharat- Swachh Bharat khelne lage… Jhaadu aur Kachre ke saath apni selfie lene lage, photo click karwaane lage. FB, INSTA sab in photo se bhar gaye.. Sach kehti hoon, kachre ko aisa stardom, aisi publicity kabhi nahin mili hogi..Naye- naye Mr aur Ms freshers bane juniors ko gift mein “How to be a successful manager!” ki kitaab ke bajaay college ki taraf se paudhon/plants ke gift milne lage… Swachhta Abhiyaan ka josh har taraf aisa umad raha tha ki poochhiye mat..

Toh Swachh Bharat ke is mausam ka asar meri dost Vipasna par bhi bada pada tha. Us din wo apne hostel ke kamre se balcony mein badi josh mein nikali Chai ke saath sunset enjoy karne … Balcony ki taraf chalte hue khudko IHM ki Dipika Padukone samjh rahi thi. Jab balcony mein pahunchi, toh sunset se zyada attention kheechne wali ek cheez wahan uska intezar kar rahi thi…Bada hi vishal sa, apni gandh har taraf phailata IHM ki vastavikta ka parichay deta … Ek sach… Meri dost toh sunset ki photo instagram ki story mein daalne ke josh mein balcony gayi thi, par usne aakhon ko aakarshit karne wale IHM ke sach ko instagram pe post kar diya… Wo bhi ek caption ke saath “Naare toh swachhta ke duniya bhar mein lagaate ho, par apne andar ke iss sach ko saaf nahi karte ho….kya yahi hai Swachhta Abhiyan?”……

Din toh dhal hi gaya tha, raat bhi beet gayi. Par IHM mein raat gayi baat gayi jaisa kuchh nahin hota ….Duniya ke liye bhale hi naya savera hota hai, par IHM mein har cheez , har baat pichhle din ka continuation hoti hai….Matlab? Matlab naye din mein wahi kal ki purani galtiyon, puraane actions ke results aur reactions chalte rehte hain…
Vipasna, Saibhav aur Main corridor mein khade the. Ek junior ne aakar Vipasna se kaha “Good morning ma’m! Maya ma’m ne aapko apne cabin mein bulaya hai….” “theek hai!” ek aur baccha corridor mein bhaagte hue Vipasna ke paas aaya “ Ma’m!!! ma’m!!!!! aapko Tinda ma’m ne bulaya hai…” Waahhh Vipo!!! teri demand aur popularity toh badhti hi ja rahi hai IHM mein… hum uski tang kheech rahe the… Par Vipo kuch aur hi sense kar rahi thi…

“Yeh popularity ke bajaay, kisi naye hungame ka sanket lag raha hai. IHM ki Mogambo aur Gogo bula rahi hain… Beta, kuch toh lafda hai…..yeh batao ke pehle kiske paas jaaun?” “Maya ma’m ke paas….unka cabin nazdeek hai yahan se” “Haan ! Done !!….Guyz tum log bhi chalo naa mere saath, bahar rehke support karna meri. Pata nahi kyun bulaya hai…” “Koi nahi… chal.. chalte hain….” Corridor mein chalte hue kuch students ne Vipo ko dekha aur kaha “Vipo maan gaye yaar, kya daring hai teri….” Hum teeno soch rahe the ki yeh kyun bola usne.. Vipo ne poochha “maine aisa kya kar diya???”
“woh toh tujhe pata hoga!…vaise kiya kya tune?”
“Abey mujhe pata hota, toh main poochhti kyon ….”
Itne mein hum Maya Ma’m ke cabin mein pahunch gaye…..
“Tum log yahin khade raho, Main Mogambo ke cabin mein jaake aati hoon…. “Ma’m! may I come in?” Maya Ma’m ke cabin mein Tinda Ma’m bhi thi…
“Arey madam aap aagayi….Aaiye aaiye.. Aap permission kyun le rahi hai”
Maya ma’m ne taunt maar ke Vipo ko kaha… Mann hi mann mein Vipo soch rahi thi beta aaj toh kuch bada kaand hua hai….
“ Tinda ma’m !! Vipasna madam ko baithne ki jagah dijiye. Aakhir inhone itna bada kaam joh kiya hai!” “Haan haan Vipasna madam please aap yahaan baithiye….”
“Nahi nahi Tinda ma’m mein khadi rehti hoon…I am fine”
“Arey nahi nahi beta aapko khade rakhna shobha nahi deta….main Maya ma’m ke bagal mein baith jaati hoon… aap yahaan tashreef laaiye” Vipo sehem kar kursi par baith gayi “Aap comfortable toh hain na Vipasna madam? Pata pada nahi huin toh meri hi photo click karke story mein daal dengi with a caption miliye IHM ki sundar chudail se….” Maya ma’m ka ye taunt sunkar Tinda ma’m hassi “ma’m woh sundar chudail wala joke accha tha”… Vipo ke samjh se ye sab pare tha “Waise Maya ma’m inhe pata hai ki humne inhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai?” “ woh toh madam se puchna padega….madam aapko koi idea hai humne aapko kyun bulaya hai?” Maya ma’m ne ek bahut hi banavati smile deke kaha.
“Nahi ma’m! kyun bulaya hai?” Vipo ne jhijhak se pucha
“Ek baat bataiye aap apne iss phone mein kya karti hain”Tinda ma’m ne bade adab se pucha
“Matlab?”
“Matlab… Aap apna phone kyun istamaal karti hain Vipasna ji” Maya ma’m ne daant peeste hue kaha
“Ma’m phone karne ke liye, chatting karne ke liye…”
“Aur?”
“Photo kheechne ke liye, Instagram use karne ke liye…”
“Accha !!! toh ab aap bataiye ki aap kiski photo kheechti hain..?” Maya ma’m ka yeh sawal sunke Vipo ko laga …aaj college aane se pehle kahin dono ne  ek ek quarter toh nahin maari hai ?…Aaj Yeh kaise ut-pataang sawaal pooch rahi hain mujhse? Vipasna aur Maya ma’m ke beech vaise bhi chhattees ka aakda tha. Maya ma’m toh firaaq mein rehti thi, ki kab Vipo koi kaand kare aur wo Vipo ki case lein. Maya ma’m ka lahaza sakhta tha..
“Jawab dijiye Vipasna ji”
“Woh ma’m apni, doston ki…”
“aur college ki!!!!” Maya ma’m ne muskura kar kaha, aur achanak… unke chehre ka bhaav badla, wo gusse mein laal hogayin… ekdum emoji (emoticons) ki tarah …wo dahaadi “Tumhari himmat kaise hui ? tumhe permission kisne ne di?”
“Himmat?!! Permission?!!! Kiski? Photo kheech ne ki? Photo kheechne ke liye himmat chahiye hoti hai ?…Ma’m agar aisa hai, toh aapko pata hai mujh mein bahut himmat hai… main ek baar mein ek saath 150 selfies kheech leti hoon…. Waise ma’m.. ek baat bolun….phone mera hai.. Mujhe thodi naa khud ki permission lene ki zaroorat hai…. Achchha thodi naa lagega khudse puchte hue ki Vipasna kya main apne phone se apni photo kheechu please? Log paagal kahenge ma’m?”
“Bewakoof! I meant tumhe college ki photo kheechne ki permission kisne di?”
“Ma’m mera class, mera phone, mera college, mera campus… main kyun kissi aur se permission loon ? ki kya main please apne college ka photo kheenchu? Aur agar college ki photo kheechna allowed nahi hota, toh aap college wale khud hi rule book mein bada-bada likh dete…jo kahin likha nahi hai!”
“Vipasna zyada smart banne ki koshish mat karo….How dare you click photos and put it as a story on your Instagram account”
“Ma’m, Ghazab baat kar rahi hain aap! photo meri, phone mera, Instagram pe account mera…Iss mein dare wali kya baat hui”
“Tinda ma’m, Mera dimag iss ladki pe kharab horaha hai aap hi baat kariye” Maya Ma’m ne phatkaarne ki riley race ka stick/baton Tinda Ma’m ki oar badha diya tha…
“Vipasna college ki achchhi photo bhi toh daal sakti thi…woh kyun daala?”
“Woh? Kya woh??” Vipasna soch mein pad gayi ki usne aisa kya daala aur bol padi
“ Ma’m achchha ho ya bura sach toh sach hota hai na!”
“Hawww!!! Tinda ma’m dekha… kaise zubaan chal rahi hai iski….she is not even apologetic about what she has done? Aaj kal ke bacche…. Madam issi college mein Main padhi hoon, iss mukaam pe pauhchi hoon, emotionally kitni attached hoon main iss college se…Aaj tak kabhi kisi ki himmat nahi hoti mere saamne mere college ki burai karne ki aur iss ladki ko dekho…. college ka naam barbaad karne pe tuli hai….”
“Sorry ma’m!! Par aap kis baare mein baat kar rahi hain, mujhe abhi tak nahi pata”
“Beta kal jo tumne kaand kiya hai na Instagram pe..uski baat kar rahe hain….Tumne college ki jo photo daali hai, woh Principal sir ne dekh li tumhare Instagram pe….”
“Aise kaise ma’m! mera account private hai, woh mere Instagram followers mein nahi hai” “Beta woh Principal sir hain! unhe logo ko follow karne ki permission ki zarurat nahi padti. Tumhari wajah se Principal Sir subah subah mujhpe chillaye hain…Main tumhe nahi chodungi…Iss baar tum mujhse bach kar dikhao”
“Sorry ma’m!”
“Get out!” Vipo muh latka kar bahar aa gayi…. Main aur Saibhav ne sab kuch sunn liya tha “Abey iss baar toh kaand zara serious gaya hai….par main darungi nahi, meri galti thodi naa hai iss mein….Galti inki hai…Main sach ka saath dungi! Main ladungi!!!” Vipo boli..
“Ooo Rani Laxmi Bai! Ladungi se pehle yeh bata ki yeh kaunsi story ki baat ho rahi hai? “ Saibhav ne poochha to usne dapat diya, “Arey kal wali”
“Kaunsi kal wali?” maine poocha..
“Don’t tell me!! tum logo ne nahi dekha yaar…Princi ne dekh liya aur tum logo ne nahi dekha…Isliye meri stories pe views nahin milte. Shame on you guys… Rukk dikhati hoon” Vipo apne phone pe Instagram khol hi rahi thi jab humne usse pucha “Tujhe nahi lagta, tujh mein bahut charbi hai….Princi ki follow request Instagram pe kaun accept karta hai? Such a CG (chatu gang) !!!”
“Arey wahi toh ! Hairani ki baat ye hai ki Princi ka kabhi koi request aaya hi nahi mere pas” “toh phir unhone teri story kaise dekhi?”
“Abey wahi toh mystery hai. Mujhe lagta hai unhone apna fake account banaya hai aur hum saare bachcho ko follow kar rahe hain. Humari updates ke liye, bahut smart hai Princi …Aise hi thodi na koi uss kursi pe baithata hai….Sabka Adhar card link hai unke paas!” Instagram khula aur hum story dekh kar chauk gaye aur dono ke muh se nikla
“Kachre ki photo!!!!!!”
“Arey ek minute, yeh toh wahi kacchra hai na jo humare college ke peechhe wale area main pada hai” Saibhav ne pucha
“ Haan yeh wahi hai! Caption mast hai na ???”
“Iss kachre pe itna bawaal kyun macha rakha hai?” Maine pucha
“Iss liye… kyunki Maya ma’m college ki maintenance in charge hain, toh inko princi se daant padi…iss baar toh kaand hoga yaar!” Vipo ne hamaara gyaan badhaaya…
Vipo ko har lecture mein saare faculties ne lecture ke beecho beech indirectly sunaya…iss baar Vipo sabke nishaane pe thi… “Shoot out at Vipo” zaari tha
“Babes iss baar toh kachre ne meri izaat ka kachara kar diya …main karti bhi kya yaar! Pata hai itni gandi smell aati hai…raat mein keede kaat ke chale jaate hain. Last time toh campus ke time Hiya ke muh pe aake kaat liya tha keede ne aur nishaan reh gaya bechaari ke…” vipo ne mujhse apne dil ki baat share karni theek samjhi “koi nahi Vipo tension mat le sab theek ho jaayega….”
Shaam ho gayi thi. Lectures khatam ho gaye… Dukhi Vipo hostel jaise hi pahhchi toh…
Toh kya hua ???
Thak gayi yaar… ab agli baar ☺                                                                       ( to be continued…)

By Urvashi